


Hayseed and Ham

by Hawkscape



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Creatures & Monsters, Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Farmer Roadhog, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Hayseed Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes, M/M, Monsters, Pre-Relationship, Spooky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 17:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10168208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawkscape/pseuds/Hawkscape
Summary: Mako just wants a quite life in the country, but the resident scarecrow has other ideas.





	1. Chapter 1

Mako didn't think he would grow up to be a farmer. His mom and dad had been fishermen and he spent his early adulthood biking around the country. It wasn't until he took an odd job on a farm tending the livestock that he realized he had a knack for it. When he finally decided to settle down, a quiet life in the country surrounded by no one but his pigs sounded like a great idea. He finally found a cheap bit of land with barn and house included. It had a corn field attached, but since he didn't plan on raising to many crops, he didn't pay it much attention. He met the owner in a local dinner to negotiate the purchase. He was an old man with a cane and grizzled beard. The purchase was going well, but it seemed to Mako that the man was anxious about something. The former biker didn't push it as he was getting the land for such a steal, he could use the money he saved to repair anything wrong with the house that the man might be trying to hide. 

Everything was going smoothly until the man suddenly seemed to deflate. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” Mako frowned intimidatingly. Was the guy going to back out of the deal after he'd already filled out all this paperwork? Maybe this guy was getting sentimental about the place. “I thought I could go through with it, but I can't do that to you. You seem like such a nice young man.” The would-be farmer wouldn't agree with most of those descriptors but he didn't say anything. “You may think that I'm just a crazy old man, but you would have found out sooner or later if you stuck around here long enough.” His pruin spotted hands opened and closed around his cane. “That farm’s not right. It's been burned down and rebuilt more than five times over. If something happens to the house while I'm inside I'm afraid I’m too old to be able to get out in time.” 

Mako tried to be as understanding as he could but he was never a people person. “I can get a fire safety inspection and if the place burns down it's my own fault.” 

The man banged his cane on the ground indignantly. “You're not listening! The place is cursed. It all has to do with that damned scarecrow.” He licked his dry lips and seemed to shake slightly. “A long while ago, over a hundred years now, this whole town burned down. No one knew what caused it but they went after a foreigner that moved in recently that had a penchant for making lamp oil and fireworks. Tortured him something awful and strung him up in the cornfield.” It was good that Mako was easily able to school his face into neutrality as a lesser man's eyebrows would have left the stratosphere by now. “Few days later the body was gone and a scarecrow replaced it. Ever since then that farm’s been no good to any god fearing man.” His frenzy seemed to abate and he went back to just looking tired. “Crops burn, houses burn, pops and bangs ring through the night, and that damn scarecrow’s always movin’. Sometimes I think it moves more than I do.” He looked sadly out the diner window and Mako thought about what to do next. He really wanted that farm and frankly didn't give a damn about any haunted scarecrows. 

“I still want to buy the farm.” He gave a hardened stare and hoped he could use his bulk to convince the man he could take care of himself. 

The man didn't argue. He just looked very sad as he signed the last of the papers and walked out of the diner without taking his money. Mako shrugged and figured a man that old had a right to some eccentricities. He promptly go into his old truck and drove to the farm that apparently was the cause of all this fuss. It was his now and it made him proud like he hadn't felt since he was in the gang. It really felt like a new start for him. Despite his good feelings he could help but stare at the lone scarecrow in his field as he pulled in. The scarecrow seemed to stare back.


	2. First Encounter

After a hard day of ordering pigs, cleaning and patching up the old buildings, and getting all the locks changed, it felt good for Mako to finally relax on the old chair on the porch. The field of long since gone wild corn swayed and undulated in the warm summer breeze. The stars twinkled above, easily able to be seen this far away from the city. The only thing disrupting the calming picture was that scarecrow. It wasn't that the old man's story was getting to him, it was just so shoddily made. It was old, that much was true, its clothes seemed to be more hole than cloth, and its hay was old and moldy looking. It might be a good pet project to fix it up while he waited for his livestock to be delivered. It was true he wasn't going to raise much food but growing corn might not be a bad idea to supplement the store bought animal feed. Nothing too big though, he didn't have the equipment for that. He ruminated on all this as he ran the finger over the beer he was holding and slowly drifted to sleep. 

He awoke the next morning groggy and stiff from the chair, but he had slept in worse places in his life. As he got up to crack his back he noticed that the scarecrow seemed to have turned to face him. The pole must be loose in the ground and the wind spun it. He cleaned more and make some supply runs to the town to grab wood and nails as well as some clothes from the thrift shop and sewing supplies. After making sure that no rats would squeeze through any holes in the barn walls or roof he went out to grab the scarecrow for its face lift. It came out of the hole easy enough but seemed to weigh more than it should. The farmer hefted it into the barn and set it down uncaringly on the floor. It was an ugly looking thing that seemed to be an amalgamation of old hay, mechanical odds and ends, spare wood scraps, and mannequin parts . Mako supposed that that was the point and got to work re-stuffing and resewing the doll until he was pleased with his work. It still looked wretched, but it wasn't falling apart any more. It would do its job and as he went out to put it back up he made sure to stick it firmly in the ground so the wind wouldn't move it anymore. 

The sun was setting by that point and he made his way inside to take a shower and maybe read a book before passing out. He only got as far as his front room before he heard something snapping and shuffling behind him. He looked behind him to see that the scarecrow had fallen over and disappeared into the corn. Mako muttered under his breath as he turned around to wade back through the wild plants. That old rotten pole must have broken. He came to where he thought he had put the scarecrow but with the corn it was hard to tell. The scarecrow was nowhere to be found and he made a sound of disgust as he walked back to his house. All that work on that scarecrow and now he couldn't even find the damn thing. He would go out to look for it in the morning when there was more light. He walked into his house and closed the door behind him as he made his way to the bedroom. He stopped in his tracks as he spotted a shadow underneath the door. He slowly grabbed the shotgun by his door and creeped over to the door. After taking a deep breath he rammed his shoulder into the door and scanned the room. There was someone in front of the mirror at the foot of his bed that seemed to be looking at themself. They jumped slightly and turned around. It was...the scarecrow? While Mako was not easily moved, this threw him for a loop. 

The scarecrow let out a big breath and started to laugh unhingedly before beginning to talk. “Really startled me there mate. You move quiet for a big guy dontcha?” 

Mako didn't lower his gun. “Get out of my house.” 

The straw man didn't seem phased by the implement. “Aw come on mate, ya just got me all patched up. Wouldn't want to ruin that with bullet holes.” 

The farmer cocked the gun, unimpressed. “Out.” 

The creature seemed to roll his eyes despite only having only lenses. “Here I’ll prove it. Check this.” Before Mako could warn him to stop or he would shoot, the straw man reached up to his head and promptly detached it and put it under his arm. The empty hole left behind seemed to sluggishly emanate smoke and cinders. The farmer had to admit he was convinced but that didn't mean he would back down. 

Mako motioned out his door with his gun. “That makes me want you in my house even less.” 

The scarecrow sat his head back on his shoulders with a sickening crack. “Fine, fine. I just wanted to see my new getup anyway. You really did wonders on this old bag a straw.” He knocked against his chest with one of his fists producing a soft crinkling noise. “Haven't felt this good in decades.” Mako took no note of the scarecrows flattery and continued to poke him out of the door with the muzzle. “You can call me Jamie. Resident firebug, scarecrow, and boogieman.” He did a quick turn and offered a hand made out of what looked like tractor parts. 

The human looked down at the hand and then back up before narrowing his eyes. “Mako.” He then backed the scarecrow up until it was out of his door and firmly locked it. 

He could hear ‘Jamie’ talking through the door and it seemed to be…whining. “Oh, come on big guy, I do nothing but stand in corn all day as a bag of horse feed and the second the moon rises and I can get around, you shut down all the fun.” 

Mako hadn't met many monsters or demons, but he didn't know one could be this annoying. After a few minutes of whining and halfhearted pounding at the doors and windows he before grumbled off back into his corn field. The farmer went around and made sure all his windows and doors were locked before putting down his gun and deciding that he wouldn't be getting much sleep that night and simply sat in his bedroom reading until he slowly drifted off for the second time since he came to this odd place, as images of burning cinders and smoke filled his mind.


	3. Deal with the Dust

This time when Mako woke up it was less unpleasant as he actually slept on a bed that night. Unfortunately, he woke up at around three in the morning to his phone ringing. He was apt to let it ring, but after a good five minutes of it not stopping, he stomped into the main hall where the land line was and near tore it off the wall. In light of just growling menacingly into the receiver he just condensed everything into 6 words. “It's three in the fucking morning.” 

A voice not unlike a hyena snapped and crackled through the ancient land line. “Well, I can't phone ya during lunch time, can I?” He seemed to laugh at his own joke as Mako narrowly resisted crushing the yellowing plastic phone in his grip. 

“Jamie.” This stopped the scarecrow cold. 

“Ah! Ya used my real name. I’m flattered. Whaddya need?” The farmer could imagine him leaning on his elbow and batting his non existent eyelashes. 

“Three. In. The. Fucking. Morning.” He was about to slam the phone down decidedly before hastily putting it back up to his face. “How are you even calling me!?” 

This seemed to throw the scarecrow as he stammered a little. “Uh, well, yaknow. I got spooky ghost powers ‘n all that.” There was a long silence as Mako was not buying it. “Also, people drop a ton of junk in this field. Like for instance, cellphones.” 

The human hunched his shoulders. “People are trespassing in my field?” 

Again, Jamie seemed to think he was focusing on the wrong thing, mainly, anything but him. “Well, not now. Just...in general like, yaknow? Most of the time it's ta look at me, but other times it's just to fuck around.” There was a sudden exclamation from over the phone. “Ah. I take that back. I think there are some people here now.” Mako turned to look out his windows and noticed some floating lights flickering through the field. “Their using their cellphones for light.” The scarecrow tutted. “Bad idea, gonna drain your ba~ttery. Oh no, wait one guy has a lighter!” Mako was about to say something about staying still and not drawing attention to himself before he cut in. “Their gettin’ close, I'll have to call you back, hugs and kisses!” 

The line went dead and Mako slammed the phone down before grabbing the gun he has put by the door and unbolting it in the same motion. He scanned the field and could immediately pick out the lights and that they were moving closer to a less than inert scarecrow. He hadn't bothered to turn any lights on when he went to answer the incessant phone so he had to rely on his voice to get the trespassers attentions. “HEY!” His voice carried and five phone screens turned towards him as one guy seemed to throw something and then yelled. 

“SCATTER!” The lights went flying in all different directions except for one who seemed to stay by the scarecrow. He let the teens go as he didn't think they would come back anytime soon, but went to investigate the light by the annoying straw man. 

As he got to the small circular clearing where Jamie was, he found the object that had been thrown was the lighter that the monster had mentioned as well as said monster smoking slightly and laughing as he stumbled down from his perch. “Did you see that!? The looks on their faces! Amazing!” He seemed almost out of breath with laughter despite Mako doubting he really needed to breath. “And the guy just chucked the lighter? Like that’s gonna do anythin’?” He doubled over once more before picking up said lighter and flicking it experimentally. “Oh, it’s nice one to.” 

Mako snatched it out of his hands to a sound of anger. “Not in the field. You'll set the whole place on fire.” 

Jamie snorted. “Wouldn't be the first time.” The farmer's expression darkened as he noticed the scarecrow was smoking slightly. He pointed at the small smolder spreading on the things arm and raised an eyebrow. “Hm? Oh ha! Bugger got me.” He swiftly patted it out with his mechanical arm and turned his attention back to the lighter. “Can I please have it mate? I found it fair and square.” 

Mako was not moved as he put it in his front shirt pocket. “I don't trust you with fire.” He started to walk back to the house. 

Jamie scoffed dramatically and followed him almost without thinking. “I don't set anything on fire I don't mean to.” While Mako maintained his silence Jamie kept going. “I didn't want to have to do this but I'm willing...to make a deal with you.” He crossed his arms like he had just laid out his trump card, but the farmer didn't even stop walking or turn around. “Don’t you know what that means? It's like...magically binding or something. 100% cannot be broken. You agree to give me the lighter, I agree tooooo.” His eyes seemed to spin in his head as if contemplating what he wanted to say. “Not burn down your farm.” 

Mako didn't want to listen to anything that this thing was saying and he definitely didn't want to make any deals with him, but he also wanted to protect his farm and his livestock when they came. He stopped, causing the straw amalgamation to bump into him before righting itself. He turned halfway around and his eyes seemed to burn through the already charred scarecrow. “Why should I believe you?” 

Jamie seemed exasperated. “I just told ya, it's a magical contract. I can't break it so you got nothing to worry about. My word is bond and all that.” 

Mako didn't doubt that the apparent firebug could find other ways to burn down his house, but he still felt wary giving him a lighter. After looking at the slightly smoking figure up and down he reluctantly fished the lighter out of his pocket. “No lighting anything of mine on fire.” 

The scarecrow crossed his questionably existing heart with one hand and stuck the other one out to shake. “Cross my heart and hope to…” He dissolved into a fit of giggles. “Well, I promise is what I mean. If you give me the lighter.” Mako looked at the oil and rust dirtied hand before he sighed and shook it with the hand that was holding the lighter. 

Nothing happened. Mako didn't know what he was expecting, but it wasn't nothing so he was slightly surprised. He thought maybe some lights would glow or maybe he would get branded like the man with questionable morals that he was, but the wind just rustled the hay of his bargaining partner and nothing else happened. He released the hand and the lighter and Jamie eagerly examined his prize. “Oh, this one’s a beauty.” He rubbed his gloves over the side to clean it up slightly until it shined in the faint glow Jamie seemed to exude. 

Mako just gave a withering look before turning and finally making it back to his house. He went to shut the door thankful that the monster had not followed him and was still playing with the lighter. He threw one last look over his shoulder. “You break our deal, you get thrown in the nearest lake.” He would have threatened to set him on fire, but he doubted that would dissuade him much. 

The scarecrow make a noise of frustration and seemed to bend over backwards more than someone with bones would be able to. “I told you ya big lug, I phy-si-call-y can’t. Here, watch.” Mako didn't want to ‘here watch’ anything this thing could do but the it moved fast despite its uneven legs and promptly held the lighter flush against one of the outer curtains on the farm house. Mako made an aborted yell before he realized the seemingly untreated lace curtains weren't catching. On the contrary, they seemed to repel the flame like water off a duck's back. “Yah? Okay? So quit your worryin’. Its aaaaaaall gonna be fine.” The farmer couldn’t help but see that as foreboding as the amalgamation of magic and machine wandered back into the cornfield while transfixed by the flame the small device produced. 

Mako slowly went back inside and locked the door as he wondered if he would ever get a normal night's sleep in this place.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to drop me a line!  
> http://hawkscape.tumblr.com/  
> https://www.youtube.com/c/HawkScape  
> http://hawkscape.deviantart.com/


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